Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
