this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The air was thick with penises
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
