Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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