end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
