Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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