i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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