If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
