my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
