We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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