Your face is a jimmy john
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
