wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
