Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
