He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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