do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
