if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
