She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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