I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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