I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
