ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
ok first of all what the fuck
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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