my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
