Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
