I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
