god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
