sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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