My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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