yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
