I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
