You're completely useless in the revolution.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Randomize
