yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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