kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
