Nicole vs. Life
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
