Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You can't just leave with hair like that
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
