Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
