pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
