i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
