He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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