theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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