I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I didn't notice because vodka
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
