a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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