I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
A bitchslap is in order.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
