He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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