No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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