Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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