Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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