i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
