I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Randomize
