I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
