I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
