Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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