Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
