I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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