My boss' voice literally gives me gas
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
