and my herpes radar will keep us safe
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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