he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
