Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
