you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
