If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
organizing the empties. That sober.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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