Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
false alarm, still single
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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