"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
