all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
cat food counts as protein by the way
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
