I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to