As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president