That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?