I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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