Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
