I could make wine with my vomit
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
