Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
