she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
