He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
