Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have already put on my inside pants.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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