WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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