whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
