So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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