:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I will pee on everything he values.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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