There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
