god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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